I have been trying to tell my sisters to write about themselves for quite some time. It is not that I love them and that is why think no end of them, but they do have amazing perspective and furthermore amazing experiences to share. Then I thought I should practice what I preach! So here I am back again to write my blog with my own share of life which they are always integral part.
July is a special month which gave me my first child within a month of my marriage in June 1972. Yes of course one cannot have baby within a month of marriage unless of course one is already pregnant.
I was all of fifteen years when I got married but had no idea how babies are born. Obviously I had had an extremely protected life. Amma, my mother told Mummy, my mother-in-law, that she had not been able to teach me anything. Mummy very lovingly taught me whatever she could within the short span she lived with me. We lived in Khar and a lot of time we would either stay with Mummy or she would take me to Adipur.
https://bula1957.medium.com/i-too-am-an-indian-woman-do-you-know-me-1abd61b6a6b8
Whenever Mummy was in Bombay, Didi, Jijaji, Sanjan and Monu would come everyday. 25th June, the day the wedding was arranged in Bombay, Didi was full time pregnant and not so well. July 20, Rinu was born to her, my first child after my marriage. Even though Didi was not well she would not stay nights with us but as they lived in the next lane, Jijaji would bring her every day after the allotted period of 40 days. While Monu stayed with us, Sanjan, a loving ten year old and Rinu, the baby of the house would go back.
Rinu was always a blessing to me as she was always there for the babies I gave birth to. Punu is eight months younger than her but sometimes she is his elder sister and sometimes he is the older brother. Monu was of course always the elder sister. I am writing about Rinu today. A few days soon after July started this year, after years she said, ‘Mamiii, it is my birthday!’ She took me back to the time the very next day of her birthday she would start counting days for next birthday! I decided to pen down before time takes its toll and erases the beautiful memories of this child of mine.
One night after she had a baby she called me at night and raised a question, ‘Mami, how could you clean my poop?’ I did not comprehend her question and just thought she is tired. She emphatically pointed out, ‘I was not your baby and still you took care of me and even changed my nappies?’ So that was the issue. I remembered having to explain to Didi, once long back that Rinu is my first baby. I do not have words but if anyone sees Rinu and Punu, then it is impossible to not understand. Children do not need to be born of same parents to have that feeling. Moreover being in the same city in reachable distance the relationship which existed naturally grew stronger.
When it was time for Rinu to go to play school Punu accompanied her even though he was not of age. One day while returning Rinu fell down but as Punu was with her she did not notice she had got hurt. When we reached home she saw blood and started crying. The same episode repeated when they both learnt how to cycle in Adipur. This time it was a bigger issue as we were with Daddy who was doctor so injection for Tetanus injection could not be avoided, so she cried all the more. She usually would not cry. All vacations were in Adipur. Rinu was not much of an eater so I would tell stories to get her to eat. I did not remember but she reminded me that I told her standing at bus stop builds patience. I wonder what all she remembers.
What I do remember is that she is incidental in my taking the path of Women’s Studies perspective. She was around 14–15 (1986–87 — definitely still in her teens) when she came and started crying. Obviously I was concerned and somehow got her to share what the issue was. She had just learnt that a girl in her lane, maybe a few years older, was a call girl. There was no way I could console her. I do not know what was paining her, as I never got round to ask her. What amazed me was that why I was not disturbed which made me wonder and in course of time I ventured into the never ending path of Women’s Studies, starting with a paper on sexuality, the issue she raised.
Another thing I am remembering now is that she enrolled in a Rabindra Sangeet class and successfully performed with rest of the group. I am hoping she will renew her singing soon. She periodically sends me music. Recently she sent me a Youtube of Sukhmani. We both remembered my Mummy, her Nani. We have many shared memories which can hardly be put in the space of a blog. I happen to be ‘Mami’ to all her childhood friends who are still friends and still consider me their Mami. Rinu is hardly there on virtual space as she gives her time and energy to other issues.
I remember her panic when anything happened to Punu and Tunu, her baby brothers, even when they became adults. She has matured and deals with matters on hand with peace. Still I relished her ‘Mamiii, it is my birthday’ almost a fortnight ahead.
Since I am leaving tomorrow for Ashram I too am uploading this a few days ahead of her birthday.
A very happy birthday my dear Rin!
Thanks for coming in my life ahead of the ones who are born to me and many others who are not born to me. Love you lots.
