I really wish I should have at least 7 days of Diwali and all festivals, so I can physically send wishes to all whom I know. Other than my families and friends working in a University for ten years has increased the number of persons I care for. This keeps increasing as I continue working and I cannot increase my capacity at that level. Moreover I have an issue with virtual space, which I am trying hard to get over without real inclination, so obviously not succeeding. I wish people stay in touch all year so the need, of these periodic festivals to send wishes, would not exist. In India there is a saying ‘13 festivals in 12 months’, ha ha, which means never ending festivals. I am trying to give words to why I have no association with festivals when I am born here in the midst of it. The family I was born in, the families I was associated with and the one I acquired after marriage — all have these never ending festivals. Hopefully this will give some hope to all those who feel lost during these festivities.
I was groggy with the fluctuating weather so no cleaning that is generally associated with my sense of festivals. A friend met with an accident few days back. Another is hospitalised with COVID. If it is sounding like I am complaining then please rethink — I am born happy and optimist. Once when I asked my mother what she ate to give birth to me, she gave a serious thought and shared that grapes and coconut water. She was an amazing woman and did not get affected with her surroundings which I presume helps me at each step specially now when the pandemic is bogging people down in ways mostly unknown to them. For me each day is special or should I say when my day starts, once I am able to wake up, or my nights!
Knowing about my body helped me to come to terms with myself. My little brother was studying medicine and got a new machine for checking Blood Pressure (BP). When he checked mine he told me categorically not to show my BP to anyone, specially a doctor! I of course did not take him seriously then. Not that it has changed me much in that sense even when he has become a neurosurgeon. I do respect that he and his wife both doctors of different fields have started cooperative hospitals running in their respective fields. I have developed disrespect towards the medical fraternity as a system acknowledging at the same time good human beings trying their best to keep pace. His advice kept coming back to me throughout my life. This low BP gets lower when I sleep and does not allow me to wake up mornings. All festivals need getting up in the morning which seems impossible even when I try to make ‘I am possible’. One wicket down for festivals!
Festivals never were of any importance to me. If my mother made new clothes in childhood I would wonder how she would manage expense that month. She tried making one for us for our birthdays otherwise she would have to make four. We grew up wearing hand me downs from our dear Didbhai which we thought as a privilege, as she was and still is a special person in our lives. Monimashi would get new clothes for us when we visited Calcutta which was when I was ten years. After Kakamoni got job and Kakimoni came the yearly new clothes would come from them. After my marriage Chhoti didi (my sister-in-law from Kanpur) tentatively asked me if she could send me worn clothes. When I welcomed it she would periodically send me one bag full of clothes for me and my sons along with new ones. Generally new clothes are associated with Indian festivals of all religions. The good feeling is because new clothes do not have association of thoughts. I got used to wearing used soft clothes. My sisters, friends always saw to it that I would always be well provided. Recently in 2019, Bittu (my niece) got married and I got a bag full of her clothes. My well wishers do give me new clothes which I try to do justice but they are not my comfort clothes. Another wicket down for festivals!
I was born to Bengali parents in Jabalpur in a family that migrated from East Bengal just after so called independence of India. They cried for Pandit Jawaharlal Nehru when he died and they cried for Mujibar Rehman when he was killed. Diwali which is known to most as Laxmi Puja is the time for Kali Puja for Bengalis. My capacity for imagination defies me to connect these two goddesses. Bengalis have Laxmi Puja soon after Durga Puja on Khojagari/Sharad Poornima (full moon day). Studying in an English medium school Dashera was exam time for me. I would participate in cultural programmes without much practicing! Christmas when I had holiday for a month my sisters had school and when they had holidays my school was in full swing. As a child (when I was thirteen) one of the few times I remember as festival time when we four sisters got chicken pox! It is obvious that the sense of festivals did not take root in my head.
Once I got married which was in a state of childhood as far as age is concerned Mummy (my mother-in-law) did not tie me to any norm but taught me way beyond education system can ever teach, by setting me free. I had two children in consecutive years, festivals did not have time to register with learning child rearing, shifting from one place to another, leaving the man I married, getting into formal education system through distance education, taking a job, Amma becoming a baby after a stroke, having two special children on wheelchairs opt for Women’s Studies Elective, studying with them for them Feminist Theories! People relish festivals inspite of upheavals. With me the issue is something else. I probably have genes of a prehistoric woman, free from all patriarchal biases and probably therefore do not need festivals to provide the basic fundamental right of being happy. I did learn all about Sindhi festivals and food, as I was a good student but pursuing these for festivals was/is beyond me!
This year three occasions were coming together — Diwali and Children’s Day to celebrate Pandit Jawahar Lal Nehru’s birthday on 14 November and women’s group collective monthly fast on 15 . The first two are known to many. I no longer say ‘all’ — I am knowledgeable enough to know how little I know and how little is known to many! Let me share the last — 15 March 2020 Samarth died in a road accident. His friends and parents made Samarth Helpline and all through the lockdown fed people who were going hungry. 2020 will be remembered in History for the pandemic. The pandemic did not create wide spread hunger for migrating workers but the lockdown, ordered without notice, did! In remembrance of Samarth and his concern for workers few women of women’s group, irrespective of their religion, keep fast started by his mother (Nisha Sidhoo) fifteenth of each month. For me it has become a festival of collectivism, when we join from different corners to fast through the day to honour the ideas of a youth who died early.
Everything has a history and so do festivals. Instead of meandering let me come back to what I started. Festivals were all created to bring happiness as the living became complex and civilization created factors bringing misery to human beings. I wonder at the lack of consideration of a Prime Minister celebrating Diwali with defenders of a country while defenders of human rights in the same country are languishing in jail. What a paradox! What do festivals stand for? Is it to justify defense budget at the cost of human right? Buying war machinery from MNCs who have no nationality, no religion is ok, crackers are not ok. Mining is Ok, big dams are ok, crackers are not ok. I have never liked crackers but giving permission for making crackers for Diwali and then banning them is unethical. Indians are to express empathy for those who died because of COVID in Luxembourg and what about empathy for people living in India? All wickets seem to fall for festivals.
Wickets are connected with the game of Cricket. The association of the game in a way has a festive relationship. My Dadu (grandfather) would always call out to Mummum (my grandmother is known to all who are seeing this space) when the game was to begin. She would wind up whatever she had on hand and they would both listen to the commentary keenly. Those days it was on radio. We had cock that accompanied them. My association with festival comes alive with the trio listening cricket commentary.
I will let people find roots of festivals if they still wish to……
