I married in 1972, a chaotic time for my parents. My in-laws had not agreed to the marriage so my father arranged for us to get married in Arya Samaj in Jabalpur without them. Then somehow Didi(my elder sister-in-law)’s husband Bade Jijaji convinced my mother-in-law so again my parents got me as an unmarried girl to be married in Bombay. Amma went to Calcutta and got saris for me. It is still beyond me how she must have arranged the finance. My masis especially Monimashi always pitched in for our clothes. Amma stitched a blouse in train by hand which I still have but do not fit into it. I overheard my Baba say in the train that he would kill me if things do not materialize. Sharing the extent of pain they were going through. A day before marriage Amma put haldi for me with tears of pain in her eyes.
My marriage did not work and I left the man in 1981 but Amma once admitted hesitantly she still loved him and if it was ok with me. I assured her sincerely that I had no issues as far as she did not expect the same from me which at least she did not. Since 1986 we, my sons and I stayed in Khar, a suburb of Bombay. We did not have telephone. My neighbour had, and Amma would call regularly. I wrote to her (vaguely remember) in 1989 (we would write letters regularly and send by post and wait for letters to come by post) that I had got my strength from her. She called and started crying. I was flabbergasted even though these were tears of pride and happiness.
In 1991 Amma came to Bombay to stay with me for post eye operation care. Once when we went for a walk she said good you got operated. Obviously it was not clear to me. She hesitantly continued she had been to all my three sisters as they had deliveries by turn. I would not have a baby so it was good that I had the operation so she could come and stay with me too. I laughed inwardly as was hardly capable of laughing out loud. Simultaneously I was overboard with her generosity.
When I started research in 2002 and even otherwise I would frequently go to Jabalpur especially after Baba died in 1987. Each time Amma would pack me loochis(puri made with maida-white floor) and vegetables. She insisted that she come to drop me at the station in her faithful Rikshaw from Rampur. She had quite a few of them. During summers she would keep a pitcher in the courtyard and they would and drink water from that. There was this ‘Ande waale Babaji’ (an old man who sold eggs) who used to come and read his Namaz in the verandah. Amma would keep water for him as she knew water is needed before Namaz. When a pregnant woman got wet outside the quarter we lived in, she insisted that she get into her dry clothes when she herself had limited clothes. Amma would say when giving one should give with open arms, closed fist hold nothing.
Amma was a fearless woman to say the least. She was beautiful well built young girl when she was 13–14 and marriage proposals came for her. She managed to avoid these with her ingenuity. Whenever people used to come to ‘see’ she would disappear and no one would find her. Her hiding place was up in the trees. After she just shaved her hair off when the offers kept coming her father gave up on her. She eventually married Baba when she was 27. I was born to her when she was 28.
One of my major learning from Amma was to always have faith, never doubt. She said it is better to get cheated a hundred times than doubt even once. We burn our inside when we doubt! So either I know or I do not know — there is no in between doubt factor thanks to her.
I am adding few of my earlier blogs here, including the first one which I wrote with her name. I am not upto the mark today to write more and I do want to post this tonight as it is eight years since she passed away peaceful in Jaipur on 25 January 2013.
https://bula1957.medium.com/i-am-an-indian-woman-do-you-know-me-95ae8334d44
